Just a fluke
by desemejante
Summary: HM but not only shipper story btw I suck at summaries and titles , Mac has to deal with something from her past
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount.

1200 ZULU  
J.A.G.-HQ   
Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat on her chair, her back to the desk, and starred out of the window. She hadn't slept all night, in fact she had hardly slept all week. She didn't realize the looks her colleagues gave her; she didn't realize that Harm came by her office about every ten minutes, looked at her through the blinds with a concerned expression and then walked into the kitchen. She in fact did not realise anything at all, she was on auto pilot, mechanically fulfilling her tasks. Today was the day, April 19, for the last twenty years it was always around this date that she got depressed despite of blossoming plants, green trees, humming birds and the sunshine. She asked herself whether the pain would ever pass, the pain caused by the biggest loss of her life. She still could not understand what had happened, why it happened and why she didn't do anything about it. Back then she might have been able to change something, to turn her life into something good. When she realized what had happened and what it meant for her, it was already too late. She would give everything to be given a second chance, but this was impossible. Eighteen years ago, when she realized what she had let happen, she tried to change it at first, but she could succeed, those people had been good, they did not leave any signs for what had happened and where they had gone. After five restless years, marked by her search, she decided that it was too late, too late for her happiness. She had made a terrible mistake, she was responsible and it was her duty to stop being selfish.

A knock on her door brought her back into the present. She looked up and saw Harm entering her office.

"Hi Marine, I hope I didn't startle you too much, you seem to be miles away."

Mac looked at him, slightly confused and only managed to say "I just thought about a case. Is there any special reason you came by for?" Harm had a concerned look on his face but decided that this was not the right setting to ask her what was wrong. "I wanted to ask you whether you would like to have lunch with me. You look like you could need something to eat." Mac didn't know what to answer, on one hand she only wanted to be alone, on the other hand she could use a bit of cheering up. "I am sorry Harm, but I have plenty of work to do." "Come on Marine, you worked all morning and you could use a break." "No, I am sorry, maybe another time, I really have to work." she answered him slightly more annoyed than she intended. Harm knew when he had to stop, Mac was bothered by something but he had no idea what and was unlikely to tell him if he pushed her too hard.


	2. Chapter 2

"Looks like I've to go alone then. I'll leave around 1, in case you change your mind you know where to find me." Mac just nodded and turned her attention back to the files in front of her. At least she hoped Harm would think so. She wasn't able to concentrate on anything right now. It was the one word that was occupying her mind. 'Why' but she couldn't find an answer and she doubted she ever would.

She somehow made it through the rest of the day until it was time to clear the desk and head home. It actually surprised her that Harm hadn't bothered her anymore and she didn't knew whether she was glad about it or disappointed. On one hand she didn't want to share her thoughts with anybody, on the other hand, maybe ... no, this wasn't an option, she would never tell Harm. Never. To big was her fear that he might despise her. She was a tough Marine, but had to admit to herself that Harm's disdain was one thing she would not be able to handle, no matter how much their friendship had suffered during the last months, his judgement was still utterly important to her.

On her way home, she stopped by the Mall intending to get some groceries. Wandering through the store she had no idea what to get. She wasn't hungry at all, a condition that always crept up around this time of the year. Mac simply couldn't bear the thought of food, it always reminded her of what she had done.

2023 EST

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

The tall Navy Commander was lying on his couch, staring into an empty space. Mac didn't leave his mind. He had no idea what it was that was bothering her, but he knew it had to be something severe. She had often been cross with him, but her present behaviour was different. It was vaguely familiar to him, but he couldn't put his finger on when she had been like this the last time.

Thinking back he realized that she started acting strange when he mentioned the Gunny's birthday that had been today. He had asked her if she knew whether anyone was getting anything for him, it was not really usual but as most people at the office where quite close he had thought it would be nice.

It was just then that it dawned on him. The last time Mac behaved that way was the day when the Gunny paid for a round at Mc Murphy's after work. Back then he had attributed it to the fact that she was still slightly uncomfortable when everybody around her was drinking alcohol. That day was exactly 365 days ago, the Gunny's birthday. Maybe he was being paranoid, but it definitely was a strange coincidence.

He thought harder, but couldn't make any sense from the date. It wasn't the day her father dies, neither the day her mother left her. He anyway didn't think those dates would have this impact on her. She didn't look angry at somebody. On the contrary, anger directed towards her mixed with incredible pain was what he thought to read on her face. Pondering about this he fell asleep on the couch a few hours later.

His partner in Georgetown wasn't that lucky, another night without sleep was going to follow.


End file.
